Magpie

Auntie was a hoarder.  Well, I guess if you asked her she'd say she was just a collector of fine objects.  Truth is, she just couldn't pass up a bargain.  Growing up, I always joked about shopping at the Auntie store.  If I ever wanted/needed a strange item, I would call her and say, "Auntie, you don't happen to have a _____".  Inevitably, she did.  At some point in her early 70's, and after having a knee replacement, I arrived at her house one day to find the saddle she'd purchased hanging over the stair railing.  Hadn't ridden in years, doesn't own a horse, but I am sure she got a really good deal on it.

Flash forward to today, and what we have is a "Magpie".  She likes to collect small objects from wherever she is to feather her nest with.  She picks things up and admires them, then pockets them.  And when you ask her where she got them, she has some fabulous stories about how the object has been in her family for years, she uses it for this or that.  And in her defense, she truly believes these objects are hers, and has no idea she has just lifted them off your shelf.  She is particularly fond of keys, so we have become quite adept at making sure our keys are secreted away before she arrives at our house.  We also make sure to pre-warn anyone when we go visiting. 

A few weeks ago I had her one afternoon for several hours and since she loves kids and I have a friend who was in need of babysitting services I figured that would be a fun thing for us to do.  As background, my friend's daughter is autistic, and he has joint custody of her.  Unfortunately, her mother has had surgery, so at the time he was in emergency full-time care mode and hadn't had a moment away from her in a couple of weeks.  As you can imagine, this can be very taxing, so I was happy to be able to offer a couple of hours of personal time so he could go take care of some business and have some alone time with his girlfriend.  And really, Autism and Alzheimer's...at least with this pair, seem like the perfect match.

And actually it worked out great.  My Aunt mooned over little Maddy...Maddy roamed around and charmed my Aunt.  It was a really fun afternoon for all of us.  But, this was my first experience with my Aunt outside of my house, or my father's house, and I really didn't realize what a Klepto she really was.  By the end of our visit, her pockets were nearly filled.  So I made a game out of it.  "Hey Auntie, Maddy has been playing such a funny game with me, she has been sneaking things into my pockets all afternoon.  Let's see if she did the same to you?"  So we emptied her pockets and put everything away.  Nice trick!  Worked pretty well, and didn't piss her off.  Whew.

But there was one item that I could tell she really didn't want to give up, she was adamant that it was hers.  It was a small nylon camera case, and had a memory card in it.  I put it back where she'd found it, and kept my eye on it while I was playing with Maddy waiting for my friend to return.  It was there, it was there, and then it was gone.  Hmmmm, I wonder where it could have disappeared too?  So I tried my trick again, but this time the pockets were empty.  And would you believe there was a strange bulge in her pants?!?  Okay, so there are many things I am willing to do for and with my Aunt.  However, searching her drawers for contraband is NOT on that list.  She can get really nasty when she is upset, and I am working really hard to stay on her good side right now.

How was this situation resolved?  Well, when my friend arrived, I explained that his four year old was of course no problem whatsoever, but my Aunt was beyond my control.  She had the item, and I would be happy to return it to him the next day once we were able to recover it.  But that unless it was urgent, I preferred not to strip search her, which he readily agreed to.  I then had to explain to my father that once she went to sleep, he needed to search her room for the item so that I could return it.  Which is what eventually happened, thank goodness.

Oh, and if anyone is missing a brass hose fitting, please let me know...I still have no idea where that came from.