Interesting evening with Auntie last night. I understand from others that sometimes she gets a bit angry, but so far I have yet to see that side of her. Last night, I think I got my first taste. Okay, well I should say my first taste since her Alzheimer's really kicked in. I've known her my entire life, I've experienced the full brunt of her ire on other occasions, and also experienced the months of being banished that follow. I am curious to see how things are tonight. With her memory failing, will her anger be forgotten, or will it linger?
I think that what has her upset is that her friend she was staying with has sold her home. She has been told repeatedly that this was going to happen, and that this is why she has moved to my father's house. But I think she was holding out hope that she'd be able to move back perhaps. And I gather from our talk yesterday that her friend will be moving down to Long Beach with another friend. And this, I believe, is what has her panties in a bunch. I think, although she did not say, that she is peeved that she was not invited to join them. She always planned to move down there after she retired from Boeing, she just never managed to actually make the move.
In my aunt's mind, she is perfectly capable of living on her own and she can still drive a car. She has no idea how much everyone does for her. She doesn't remember her accidents. She doesn't realize she forgets things. She can make toast, and she would happily live in filth and eat peanut butter toast for the remainder of her days. Or a day or two until her lack of taking her meds did her in, or until she fell and couldn't get herself back up. So of course, in her mind she is very hurt that her friends aren't inviting her to live with them because she doesn't realize she needs a caregiver.
So last night she informed me she was going to move away, but when I asked where she didn't say. Then she once again revisited her perfect driving record with me, and when I pointed out that I remember several accidents, she tried to tell me she wasn't driving for those. At which point, she went to her room, and never came out again. When my father came home, I warned him that she had spent the evening in her room, so he is prepared for whatever today brings. Interestingly he said that she had told him she is going to take a bus to Spokane.
Spokane? Really? I wonder why Spokane? She knows no one in Spokane. The family was stationed there at some point in the distant past. I only know this because I know my grandfather bought my grandmother a mink coat when they had to move there because he felt so badly about it. But I don't think the kids were living with them at that point, I think they were older. So, my big ponder for the day is...why would she decide, in her mental state, that Spokane is where she is going to run away to?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Magpie
Auntie was a hoarder. Well, I guess if you asked her she'd say she was just a collector of fine objects. Truth is, she just couldn't pass up a bargain. Growing up, I always joked about shopping at the Auntie store. If I ever wanted/needed a strange item, I would call her and say, "Auntie, you don't happen to have a _____". Inevitably, she did. At some point in her early 70's, and after having a knee replacement, I arrived at her house one day to find the saddle she'd purchased hanging over the stair railing. Hadn't ridden in years, doesn't own a horse, but I am sure she got a really good deal on it.
Flash forward to today, and what we have is a "Magpie". She likes to collect small objects from wherever she is to feather her nest with. She picks things up and admires them, then pockets them. And when you ask her where she got them, she has some fabulous stories about how the object has been in her family for years, she uses it for this or that. And in her defense, she truly believes these objects are hers, and has no idea she has just lifted them off your shelf. She is particularly fond of keys, so we have become quite adept at making sure our keys are secreted away before she arrives at our house. We also make sure to pre-warn anyone when we go visiting.
A few weeks ago I had her one afternoon for several hours and since she loves kids and I have a friend who was in need of babysitting services I figured that would be a fun thing for us to do. As background, my friend's daughter is autistic, and he has joint custody of her. Unfortunately, her mother has had surgery, so at the time he was in emergency full-time care mode and hadn't had a moment away from her in a couple of weeks. As you can imagine, this can be very taxing, so I was happy to be able to offer a couple of hours of personal time so he could go take care of some business and have some alone time with his girlfriend. And really, Autism and Alzheimer's...at least with this pair, seem like the perfect match.
And actually it worked out great. My Aunt mooned over little Maddy...Maddy roamed around and charmed my Aunt. It was a really fun afternoon for all of us. But, this was my first experience with my Aunt outside of my house, or my father's house, and I really didn't realize what a Klepto she really was. By the end of our visit, her pockets were nearly filled. So I made a game out of it. "Hey Auntie, Maddy has been playing such a funny game with me, she has been sneaking things into my pockets all afternoon. Let's see if she did the same to you?" So we emptied her pockets and put everything away. Nice trick! Worked pretty well, and didn't piss her off. Whew.
But there was one item that I could tell she really didn't want to give up, she was adamant that it was hers. It was a small nylon camera case, and had a memory card in it. I put it back where she'd found it, and kept my eye on it while I was playing with Maddy waiting for my friend to return. It was there, it was there, and then it was gone. Hmmmm, I wonder where it could have disappeared too? So I tried my trick again, but this time the pockets were empty. And would you believe there was a strange bulge in her pants?!? Okay, so there are many things I am willing to do for and with my Aunt. However, searching her drawers for contraband is NOT on that list. She can get really nasty when she is upset, and I am working really hard to stay on her good side right now.
How was this situation resolved? Well, when my friend arrived, I explained that his four year old was of course no problem whatsoever, but my Aunt was beyond my control. She had the item, and I would be happy to return it to him the next day once we were able to recover it. But that unless it was urgent, I preferred not to strip search her, which he readily agreed to. I then had to explain to my father that once she went to sleep, he needed to search her room for the item so that I could return it. Which is what eventually happened, thank goodness.
Oh, and if anyone is missing a brass hose fitting, please let me know...I still have no idea where that came from.
Flash forward to today, and what we have is a "Magpie". She likes to collect small objects from wherever she is to feather her nest with. She picks things up and admires them, then pockets them. And when you ask her where she got them, she has some fabulous stories about how the object has been in her family for years, she uses it for this or that. And in her defense, she truly believes these objects are hers, and has no idea she has just lifted them off your shelf. She is particularly fond of keys, so we have become quite adept at making sure our keys are secreted away before she arrives at our house. We also make sure to pre-warn anyone when we go visiting.
A few weeks ago I had her one afternoon for several hours and since she loves kids and I have a friend who was in need of babysitting services I figured that would be a fun thing for us to do. As background, my friend's daughter is autistic, and he has joint custody of her. Unfortunately, her mother has had surgery, so at the time he was in emergency full-time care mode and hadn't had a moment away from her in a couple of weeks. As you can imagine, this can be very taxing, so I was happy to be able to offer a couple of hours of personal time so he could go take care of some business and have some alone time with his girlfriend. And really, Autism and Alzheimer's...at least with this pair, seem like the perfect match.
And actually it worked out great. My Aunt mooned over little Maddy...Maddy roamed around and charmed my Aunt. It was a really fun afternoon for all of us. But, this was my first experience with my Aunt outside of my house, or my father's house, and I really didn't realize what a Klepto she really was. By the end of our visit, her pockets were nearly filled. So I made a game out of it. "Hey Auntie, Maddy has been playing such a funny game with me, she has been sneaking things into my pockets all afternoon. Let's see if she did the same to you?" So we emptied her pockets and put everything away. Nice trick! Worked pretty well, and didn't piss her off. Whew.
But there was one item that I could tell she really didn't want to give up, she was adamant that it was hers. It was a small nylon camera case, and had a memory card in it. I put it back where she'd found it, and kept my eye on it while I was playing with Maddy waiting for my friend to return. It was there, it was there, and then it was gone. Hmmmm, I wonder where it could have disappeared too? So I tried my trick again, but this time the pockets were empty. And would you believe there was a strange bulge in her pants?!? Okay, so there are many things I am willing to do for and with my Aunt. However, searching her drawers for contraband is NOT on that list. She can get really nasty when she is upset, and I am working really hard to stay on her good side right now.
How was this situation resolved? Well, when my friend arrived, I explained that his four year old was of course no problem whatsoever, but my Aunt was beyond my control. She had the item, and I would be happy to return it to him the next day once we were able to recover it. But that unless it was urgent, I preferred not to strip search her, which he readily agreed to. I then had to explain to my father that once she went to sleep, he needed to search her room for the item so that I could return it. Which is what eventually happened, thank goodness.
Oh, and if anyone is missing a brass hose fitting, please let me know...I still have no idea where that came from.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
What Happened to You?
So Auntie has always been a bit of a smart ass. Well, actually she excelled in that department. Alzheimer's hasn't affected her sense of humor at all. The first evening I spent caring for her was an odd one for me. She is living with my father in the house I was raised in. Until now, I haven't often gone to visit my father there. He comes to our house all of the time. So walking back into the house is like walking back in time for me. Add to that the fact he handed me a portfolio of my senior pictures when I walked in the door, and the fact I was carrying on a FB conversation with someone from the year I graduated, and it was a serious Twilight Zone evening for me.
So at one point in the evening, my Aunt got a hold of the portfolio. She loves photos, and actually does pretty well recognizing people from when she was young...like in her 20's. But she doesn't do so well with anyone born after about 1960...including me. So she sat in the living room admiring the photos of me which are nearly 30 years old now, and then came into the room I was in and said, "You were really pretty, what happened?".
Now, I am not sure how you feel about using hand signals to express your feelings, but depending upon whether small children are present I find it to be quite effective. You should have seen the huge smile I got when I flipped that old lady the bird. Ten years ago I never could have imagined myself being bold enough to do that to her.. But damn it...she deserved it, and apparently it was what she was looking for, because she loved it.
She proceeded to leave the room, and come back again about 5 minutes later...of course not realizing she had already zinged me on the photos. This time I got, "How many wigs do you have?" I laughed, she went away again. And returned after another 5 minutes to ask if she was related to all of the girls in these photos.
So that is my Aunt in a nutshell. She is much sharper in the mornings than in the evenings, and loves a good joke. But she is a little sketchy on who people are, sometimes knowing quite well, others not at all. I understand she will eventually lose who we are altogether, but she'll never lose who she is, and I'm certainly glad about that.
So at one point in the evening, my Aunt got a hold of the portfolio. She loves photos, and actually does pretty well recognizing people from when she was young...like in her 20's. But she doesn't do so well with anyone born after about 1960...including me. So she sat in the living room admiring the photos of me which are nearly 30 years old now, and then came into the room I was in and said, "You were really pretty, what happened?".
Now, I am not sure how you feel about using hand signals to express your feelings, but depending upon whether small children are present I find it to be quite effective. You should have seen the huge smile I got when I flipped that old lady the bird. Ten years ago I never could have imagined myself being bold enough to do that to her.. But damn it...she deserved it, and apparently it was what she was looking for, because she loved it.
She proceeded to leave the room, and come back again about 5 minutes later...of course not realizing she had already zinged me on the photos. This time I got, "How many wigs do you have?" I laughed, she went away again. And returned after another 5 minutes to ask if she was related to all of the girls in these photos.
So that is my Aunt in a nutshell. She is much sharper in the mornings than in the evenings, and loves a good joke. But she is a little sketchy on who people are, sometimes knowing quite well, others not at all. I understand she will eventually lose who we are altogether, but she'll never lose who she is, and I'm certainly glad about that.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Auntie Alzheimers
My Aunt is an amazing woman. She has always been an important part of my life. I was lucky to grow up about a 15 minute car ride away from where she lived with my grandmother. Auntie never married and when we were growing up she was the cool aunt, the one we asked to drive us on dates before we could drive. The one who was always ready to go on an adventure with us that our parents weren't ready for. Everyone who knew me growing up also knew "Auntie". And everyone still calls her this.
Auntie is now 82 years old, and has Alzheimer's. Up until about a year ago, we were fortunate because she had a distant cousin who lived with her and helped care for her. This allowed her to remain in her own house. Now her cousin has passed, and so has the torch of taking responsibility for her care. At first, she was able to live with a close friend. But recently it became necessary for her friend to take the next step in her own life which involves selling her home and moving away. So my father and I have stepped in.
At this time, she is living with my father, who is a spry 80 himself. But on Monday and Tuesday evenings, I get to be her caregiver. On Mondays I come to his house and spend time with her. On Tuesdays she comes to my house and spends time with my family.
So these evenings are the basis for this blog. Every evening is an adventure with my Aunt, and most of her escapades are obscenely funny. I hope you will enjoy her antics and I hope you will feel free to share similar experiences you have had. And if anyone who reads this finds the fact that I find humor in my aunt's condition offensive, well all I can say is lighten up! My Aunt cared for my Grandmother who had the same condition. She would completely appreciate the hilarity of the situations we get into, because she was once there herself. Someday I hope my kids get a kick out of me too. My time will come, but right now it's my turn to be a loving caregiver who takes pleasure in the insanity life has thrown my way.
Auntie is now 82 years old, and has Alzheimer's. Up until about a year ago, we were fortunate because she had a distant cousin who lived with her and helped care for her. This allowed her to remain in her own house. Now her cousin has passed, and so has the torch of taking responsibility for her care. At first, she was able to live with a close friend. But recently it became necessary for her friend to take the next step in her own life which involves selling her home and moving away. So my father and I have stepped in.
At this time, she is living with my father, who is a spry 80 himself. But on Monday and Tuesday evenings, I get to be her caregiver. On Mondays I come to his house and spend time with her. On Tuesdays she comes to my house and spends time with my family.
So these evenings are the basis for this blog. Every evening is an adventure with my Aunt, and most of her escapades are obscenely funny. I hope you will enjoy her antics and I hope you will feel free to share similar experiences you have had. And if anyone who reads this finds the fact that I find humor in my aunt's condition offensive, well all I can say is lighten up! My Aunt cared for my Grandmother who had the same condition. She would completely appreciate the hilarity of the situations we get into, because she was once there herself. Someday I hope my kids get a kick out of me too. My time will come, but right now it's my turn to be a loving caregiver who takes pleasure in the insanity life has thrown my way.
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